Yesterday I came to a realization. Tomorrow I might weep for what I've done today...

(warning! rambling ahead with a few bits that might make you smile once or twice!)


Yesterday I came to a realization. Tomorrow I might weep for what I've done today...

No, I didn't break any of the ten commandments. I didn't even get annoyed enough at anyone around me to snap and make snide comments that I'll have to apologize for later. I might, however, have to apologize to myself for what I did this evening...

I'll start from the beginning:

I've been thinking for a while that it is definitely time to get back to a better shape than I am now but haven't had the time, energy, or will to actually get to the gym. And while I did participate in the Low Iodine Diet that my husband had to follow for his cancer treatment, I wasn't exactly counting calories either.

Now that Nick's scans are showing positive results (THANK YOU, GOD, FOR PRAYERS ANSWERED!) and life is getting a bit back to normal, I thought I'd try giving the diet and exercise thing another go.

Then I made the mistake that initiated the realization... I thought it would be a good idea to use  a body mass index calculator so that I could have a starting point to compare progress. In theory - it's still a good idea. In reality - it's an unexpected bombshell.

It's amazing how the brain works - I've seen just how much the mind can justify, qualify, and just plain DENY the truth about anything. For some people who are compulsive hoarders - they can stand in the filthy room with debris piled around them but all their mind 'sees' is the sentiment of the family portrait that hangs on the wall it's been hanging on for twenty years - even if that portrait is hiding behind 10 years of magazine stacks. Though I'm not a hoarder (well, not clinically diagnosed anyway), I can see where their problems start. It is much to easy to let the little things go for a while with the thought that you'll get to it later. Meanwhile while things start to pile up little by little, little by little the brain starts to 'see' around those things and only remembers what it used to be.  Kind of like how your brain is capable of seeing more than one thing in the same image - it's all dependent on your perspective.

My realization came when I discovered that my brain has been doing this sneaky, deviant act for a while now. Except it's not about my home (though it IS admittedly a little bit messy right now), it's about my physical fitness and appearance. Though I'm not a typically vain person (I hope), some of the pictures I've seen of myself lately were appalling to me and there's only so many times it can be passed of on poor lighting, ill-fitting outfits, or digital blurring.

My realization was cemented when I typed in those 5 digits into the BMI calculator... 5-6-1-9-0.... Everyone had their personal thoughts about what's fit and what's flabby and I'm sure your personal physicians know best... So when I typed in those numbers: 5'-6"h, 190 pounds and awaited the calculation - I was a little scared.
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I should have been a lot scared.
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Apparently my brain has been neglecting the fact that I've been overweight for a WHILE now because my BMI reading says that I am now in the 'obese' category. I think I went into a little bit of shock because I  blacked out and when I woke up I had a diet menu planned out for each meal of the week and a grocery list to accomplish it.

Did well all through the day with food (not counting the Pluckers dinner but I couldn't help that one - it had already been planned pre-realization and hey, you're supposed to start slow with the diet and exercise to help make it stick right?... well that lead's me to the part of my evening that might make me weep tomorrow...

I actually remembered to pack the gym back this morning, get it in the car, and then actually walked into the gym this evening (even after a plateful of boneless wings - I know! Aren't you proud?!?)  and complete my favorite work out : laps in the pool.

I know from previous experience (my own and Nick's) that overdoing it the first time back at the gym is a mistake and just hinders your chance for success when you make it that much more difficult to go back to the gym on day 2.....like the time I did 50 lunges on day one.... and honestly couldn't walk up the stairs to work for a week (at least without crying).

So - I planned my timing fairly carefully. When I was in good shape I was able to swim continuous laps for 45 minutes (I'm convinced a big part of that is owed to the waterproof mp3 player Nick so thoughtfully bought me a few years back in those golden years of being 'fit' - music really does make it all go by so much faster down't you think?). I figured that if I did a little less than 1/2 of what I would call a normal workout that would get some blood pumping but not really make an impact - just start to build up a little endurance... Apparently endurance isn't my problem.

20 minutes of lap swimming was great - it may have been the most relaxed 20 minutes I've had in 6 months. No - scratch that - the 10 minutes I spent in the hut tub under the waterfall that pounded a few of the knots out of my shoulders was the most relaxing 20 minutes I've had in 6 months.

Though I was certainly fatigued, I was not expecting that I would't be able to lift my phone, let alone my arms, to brush the knots out of my hair within 30 minutes of the workout.

Even now, as I type this, I kid you not, I am wincing and having a bit of trouble keeping my arms high enough on the keyboard to type. Whew knew 20 minutes of breast stroke and freestyle would leave me so incapable?!?!

And that, my friends, is why I might weep tomorrow... Because just like I know I will never do 50 lunges in a row again, I also know that the day I am the most sore after a work out isn't day 2 but is definitely day 3 for me... If I'm having this much trouble 3 hours after swimming what will day 3 bring? There are muscles I didn't know I had that are throbbing right now. Muscles I didn't even know I had when I was at my peak and doing high kicks and dancing on the drill team for 3 hours a day. If someone said they'd give me a million dollars right now if I could just hit the ball off the tee - I'm not sure I'd even be able to get the golf club over my head!

Soooo..... if things go like I dread that they will with my muscles it looks like I'll be wincing from here until the end of the week. Maybe I'll do some stretching before bed tonight, and take it even easier with a beginner's pilates tomorrow.

In the mean time if you see me around town tomorrow - please forgive the un-brushed hairdo and if I don't wave hello to you. It just means that I can't physically lift my arms high enough to do it!

Oh the things we do in the pursuit of fitness... Wish me luck in this crazy, muscle aching quest!